“If any external thing causes you distress, it is not the thing itself that troubles you, but your own judgment about it"
-Marcus Aurelius
Stoicism is about coming into a kind of alignment with what is, instead of habitually arguing with it, and insisting it should be different.
Traffic on the road?
A problem at work or school?
We have a habitual tendency to make the situation "wrong" in some way. Sometimes it's simply a quiet inner attitude of resistance:
We say: "Arrgg, there's traffic. This sucks."
We say: "This [problem at work] shouldn't be happening. So and so should be better; things should be different."
Stoicism shows us it's this [this overlay, this opinion] that causes us distress. Not the event itself.
Someone else might sit back and relax in traffic and toss on great music, but you are suffering. That comes from something within you - not inherent to the moment.
It's possible we see challenges and difficulties as interesting problems and challenges for our creativity, instead of moving into stress. Stress isn't inherent, stress is our reaction.
We can own our reactions, instead of assuming it is how life is. And by consciously working with our reactivity and our opinions, we can help ourself into alignment: Life is always just itself, before we comment, or make something good or bad.
When we align with that, when we are able to be in reality instead of aligning of our opinionated mind, it gets a lot easier.
"Happiness is a good flow of life"
Zeno, the Founder of Stoicism
We can say that the core work of Stoicism is learning to flow with life as it is, how to let what is be the boss as the foundation for action or inaction - instead of internally arguing against how lie is.
That every event is the right one. Look closely and you’ll see. Not just the right one overall, but right. As if someone had weighed it out with scales. Keep looking closely like that, and embody it in your actions: goodness—what defines a good person. -Marcus Aurelius
It takes a lot of our life energy to make people and events wrong. What if whatever was unfolding wasn't fundamentally wrong?
How much wellbeing would return to us? How much life energy would we have newly available for a creative response or helpful solution?
Can you feel the natural benevolence and excellence that one embodies in alignment?
The opposite is plain to see - angry, crazy people in traffic. Arguing with what is, we act poorly.
Aligned (not internally arguing) with what is, we act efficiently and excellently.
That's why Chrysippus said: “Living virtuously is equal to living in accordance with one's experience of the actual course of nature.”
But really doing it is no easy task.
Beginners make many different mistakes trying to "do virtue" or "be stoic."
Some try to deny or wall off their misalignment, their inner argument. (Don't do that, we need to work with our misalignment to help ourselves into agreement with reality.)
Some take on the persona of someone who is in alignment, like playing Stoic dress up - acting a part. Believing we're being virtuous but acting on top of deeper misalignment. (Don't do that, pretending or avoiding doesn't actually help anyone, it just delays the real work.)
Actually doing it means we know what it means to release argument with reality and truly align. If we don't know how to do that, then this is all a silly game of etiquette (which is not what Stoicism is about).
So let's give you a taste for what embodying alignment feels like, also demonstrating how virtue and a deeper wellbeing are intimately connected.
What we come to see in Stoic practice, is that life is never wrong. Our thinking is framing it that way. And that's what causes the trouble (and makes us miserable).
In this way, life is always teaching us how to live in accordance with it, how to become more virtuous and open to the beauty of life.
When we do this, we're always trading a lesser way for a greater way. In other words, we always become more efficient when we release judgement and align with reality. We can often viscerally feel the wellbeing that comes online, the life force that returns, and how we instantly begin standing for goodness instead of craziness. It can be an incredible relief to come into alignment with life.